Encountering God, Part 2

Lately my Monday posts highlight our weekend and include lots of photos, but this time I want to document the awesome encounter that we have had with God over the past several days.

Friday night concluded our church's "ENCOUNTER" conference. I spoke a little about it in my last post. Man oh man, was Friday night's service POWERFUL. Some life changing things were imparted into Dele and I.

Leading up to this conference, my spirit had been stirring. Aside from having a heart of great expectancy, and aside from yearning to hear from the Lord {even if it would be His still small voice speaking on the inside of me}, I wanted something great to happen that would cause a permanent shift in me. A shift that would propel me into a new beginning in which the plans and purposes that I am called to do in this season of my life would begin to come to fruition. I believe that there are things that have been laying dormant on the inside of me and I strongly believe that the reason why I had been having an urgency to find a church home towards the end of last year was so those things would birth themselves in the right church - the church that we were purposed to be a part of. In past seasons of my life when I was single, God opened amazing doors that I have walked through and now as a wife and mother, I know that there are new plans and purposes that are meant to be fulfilled [for God] in this season of my life.

Friday night, in front of a large gathering of people {at the church that ours is an extension of}, the guest speaker called Dele and I up to the front and spoke a powerful word over us. Several church members recorded it - how blessed we are to have that video. God used him to deposit some great things into us and speak some amazing things over us - those words brought confirmation, affirmation, and impartation - it was a prophesy that we will never forget...a five minute encounter that officially put our lives on a new course.

All night [after we left the conference], and the next day, I was basking in the goodness of God. It felt as though this conference was purposed just for us. Have you ever felt that way when leaving a church service? As I sat in church that night, I was excited about whose life would be touched in an indescribable way - little did I know it would be OUR lives. The night before one of our worship leaders received a personal word and I was bursting on the inside with happiness for her. It's like when someone becomes saved and enters into the kingdom of God...you rejoice as if it was your brother or sister coming to the Lord. I was looking forward to seeing an impartation being done in someone else's life and rejoicing at how awesome it was that they received what was probably a very on-time word from the Lord. There were probably 500 people attending the conference that night, and only few were called out of their seats - and Dele and I were the only couple. It was our night.

That guest speaker came to our church branch on Sunday to minister and...we received a double portion of God's goodness as he imparted another word into our lives. I hold those words that were spoken over us yesterday, and Friday night, very close to my heart. What a morning. What a conference! The scripture that is now living on the inside of me because of all that was spoken over us is James 1:22 "Be doers of the word, and not hearers only". We are stepping into great things!

LIFE’S COURSE – Purposed or Happenstance?

I noted in yesterdays post that my husband and I went to see the movie The Adjustment Bureau over the weekend. Without giving away too many details of the movie, I really started to reflect on its subject matter over the last few days. In essence, this movie asks the question: Do we control our destiny, or do unseen forces manipulate us {whether that be God, divine intervention from some sort of higher power, or maybe it’s just simple happenstance that propels us toward one direction over the other}? Furthermore, what comes from the "ripple effects" {doing or not doing certain things that have the potential to change the outcome of events in the near or distant future}?

Roger Ebert gave this movie a “three out of four” stars and wrote a review in which part he said, “The Adjustment Bureau is about the conflict between free will and predestination, and right there, you have the whole dilemma of life, don't you? Either it makes a difference what you choose to do, or the book had already been written, and all you can do is turn the pages”.

I started to think back on the choices that I have made thus far in my life.

How did I get to where I am today?

Was I following what I believe to have been God’s leading, thereby walking out a predestined plan for my life….or was I simply taking risks and chances and following my heart, thereby charting my own course? I think both. Indeed I could have done without some of the life experiences that I wound up saturating myself in, but had I not have gone through them, thereby avoiding them altogether, what side of life’s maze would I have come out on? What would have happened had I not veered from succumbing to my youthful hearts desires and chose to make choices with my heart rather than my sensible brain? I wonder how many times I have gone off course, only for God to put me back on the road that I was meant to be on. Oh how I am thankful for His covering.

Which brings me to….

Undoubtedly I believe there is a God. I believe that He can orchestrate wonderful things to happen in our lives. I believe that He grants us hope and favor and blesses us with prosperity and many good things throughout our lifetime. I believe that when we pray and seek Him, His spirit guides us towards right choices that bring us peace and fulfillment, no matter how long we have to wait….but I also believe that God gives us free will. We make our own choices – He doesn’t make them for us.

There are many days in which I am driving on the roads of Georgia and I think to myself, “How did I end up here!?”

Well…by airplane. DUH.

But I mean…had I not taken the leap of faith….had I been reluctant to move across the country….had I stayed complacent and never have dared myself to start new elsewhere, what would have happened? How would my life be different?

It’s mind boggling to think that inadvertently moving just one chip on your board of life – taking an action that you were unknowingly purposed to take – can align your course in life to bring about such goodness, such fulfillment, and land you right in the center of where you belong.

And while although relishing in such a blissful state of mind, wrapped around all the things that bring utter happiness, there’s the flip side. The side that causes you to question the dark things that happen in life. Why are those things purposed? Why did my father die? Why did his course in life end so abruptly? Did he make a choice somewhere along the way that changed the course of the life that he was meant to live, and it caused ripple effects? Or was it just simply his time? And if so, why was that specific time the purposed time? At just 40-something years young. Why was his wife meant to be a widow, and why was I purposed to be fatherless? Where is the sense in that? I can’t find it. I walk through life still believing in God, but yet {honestly} sometimes questioning His allowance of why He, who has all-encompassing power, allows certain things to happen. Especially to those who are His children.

If there were an option to know how each of my days on earth would unfold, I would decline. One might say that to know would enable them to make the most of their days and allow them to live life to its fullest. But as for me….I want to resume with the mystery of not knowing how my destiny will unfold. I want to continue to make choices, and marvel at where I find myself 5, 10, 15…65 years from now, as a result of them. I want to continue to trust in God, and trust in myself, and breathe the beauty of life in one day at a time, choosing the option to revel in the splendor of what each new day brings. Because after-all, doing just that…has gotten me here.

Baby Talk

A few months back I pulled a little "joke" on my husband and told him that I was pregnant. I had to cease the opportunity. I had just yawned as I was coming down the stairs and by the time I reached the bottom, where he was standing playing with Ilah, my eyes were watering from my yawn. He looked at me and asked me if I was ok. So I went for it. I told him that I just finished taking a pregnancy test and that it was positive. He looked at me stunned, unsure of what to say or do. Hug me and be elated!? Or say, "Um, this wasn't exactly our plan". I didn't drag out the joke for long and quickly told him I was just pulling his leg. But truth be told, baby #2 has been on the brain {even though I was so sick throughout my pregnancy with Ilah that I contemplated her being an only child because I didn't want to chance going through that again!}.

For those of you who are wondering, our plan is to start trying for another baby in another year and a half, when Ilah is 2 1/2 . . . 2 3/4. That's our plan. We all know God trumps all plans - and if it's His will for baby #2 to come sooner, or even later, well....so be it. But our choice has always been to space our children a part by three + years {we are pretty confident that we both just want 2}. And despite baby fever setting in {with names for the second one just about picked out}, that's still the plan/timeframe that we are sticking with. I have friends who have had children very close in age and I know me, and I know that I would feel greatly overwhelmed {as a stay-at-home mom} with having two children under two. Our mindset is that Ilah will be in preschool when baby #2 arrives, giving me the same opportunity to have undivided time with our newest blessing as I did with her. And while although I am loving life with just our little Ilah, I do think about when baby #2 will enter into our world.

I care not if the next baby is a boy or a girl. I believe that God gives you the child that you are meant to have and that your little one, no matter the gender, can amaze you in so many wonderful ways that make you forget that you ever had a preference to begin with.

Indeed, life intensifies when adding an additional child to the mix, but just as Ilah has enhanced our life in so many wonderful ways, I know that our next baby will do the same. I have already imagined our home with an additional blessing in it. I have envisioned what life would be like with two children and how Ilah would be with her sibling. I have pictured vacations as a family of four and how all the special holidays would be with two little ones running around. I have envisioned two carseats in the back seat of my car, a second baby's room, the dual sounds of laughter coming from the livingroom and how mine and my husband's laps would each have one of our children on it. I have thought about every wonderful thing imaginable, and while although there will be hard days since everything will be times two, I don't fixate my thoughts on the overwhelming days that are bound to be.

However, what I do fixate my thoughts on, is how my next pregnancy will go.

Throughout my entire pregnancy with Ilah I couldn't wait until she was born. Not only because I was so looking forward to seeing her and becoming a mommy, but because I was looking forward to the relief that having her on the outside would bring to me. While although I was told by my OBYGN that pregnancy complications were the exception, not the norm, it didn't help ease my anxiety. It seemed that while I was pregnant, all I would hear about, or read about, was unexpected pregnancy complications and babies struggling to live. To tell you that I was a mess after hearing the stories is an understatement. My husband and my mom prayed with me so many times because I was often letting worry and fear set in. Having a healthy child is truly a miracle. The entire process from conception to birth is a miracle...and I was well aware that at any point in time, things could shift and a complication, whether small or great, could possibly become our reality. It wasn't until Ilah was on the outside, and I knew that she was perfectly healthy, that I felt I could breathe a sigh of relief. And even now, with a second pregnancy nowhere in sight in the very near future, I get a bit of anxiety thinking about getting myself to full-term again and delivering another healthy baby.

I can't wait to experience all those firsts again with a new little baby to love. I still remember every little detail from my delivery day with Ilah and I wish I could go back to that day and do it all over again - even the C-Section...each chain of moments that brought our little girl into the world. Those moments were so exciting, so precious, and so life-changing. How quickly time flies.

I am so thankful for the life I live. For the husband that God has blessed me with, and the daughter that He has given us to love throughout our lifetime, and hers. And even though baby #2 isn't in our arms just yet, I think about that little boy or girl and how loved he or she will also be and how they will also greatly enhance our lives all the more. And while although a lot already goes into one day for me, I'm looking forward to the additional set of tiny hands to hold, the soft cheeks to kiss, the strands of hair to stroke, the head to caress, and the warm little body to cradle. I'm looking forward to the day when I can tell my husband for the second time that we are expecting baby, and having it not be a joke, but rather a beautiful reality. I'm anxiously looking forward to seeing, for the second time, a plus sign on a pregnancy test and feeling that wave of happy emotions all over again.

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle". -Vincent Van Gogh

The NBC Show: Who Do You Think You Are? {How Its REALLY Made Me Think About It}

Last year, when NBC began advertising for one of its newest shows "Who Do You Think You Are", I was instantly enthralled and knew that I would be a weekly viewer who couldn't wait for the following weeks episode to air. Now in it's second season {airing Fridays @ 8/7c}, I am still glued in. If you aren't familiar with the show, it follows a selected number of celebrities as they embark on personal journeys of self-discovery to trace their family trees.

Although History wasn't my favorite subject in school, I surprisingly took great interest in it later in life. As I became an adult and began traveling abroad to amazing places one after the other, the astounding beauty and rich history in those countries awakened a fascination in me. When going outside of my own country, I have always felt it important to immerse myself in amazing historical facts that would give me insight as to the people, places, and events of a time that preceded mine so that when I am standing on that very soil, I have a greater appreciation for being there. How amazing would it be to be in the very same places that your ancestors once lived in, labored in, and created their life stories in.

Indeed I have been blessed to have been able to travel to many countries in our world {and I hope to see more}. One of the places that I have ventured to is the country that my mother was born in - Panama. Before I went, it seemed as though I was already familiar with the sights and sounds as my mother would often tell me stories of her childhood and share of cherished memories of growing up there. She would reminisce of her mother's homemade cooking, her father's days of working at the Panama Canal {and also working as a writer for the Panama Tribune}, what it was like to be the first born of six children and all the funny little antics they would all engage in, and what life was like growing up with aunts, uncles and cousins living all around you. My mother had a very tight-knit family. And although they didn't have much, they had eachother - and that made them rich.

I am so blessed to have photos of some of my ancestors to pass on to Ilah....

And not just this cute one of my mother, with her brother, on her first communion.....

But even more cherished is this amazing one.....

A photo of my Grandmother {my mother's mother - top row, second from the left} and her family.

And this photo of my Grandmother {my mom's Mother, in her younger years}. She has since passed on {my mother is the spitting image of her}....

The pictures of my ancestors date way back and I am so honored to have a copy of them....

My Mother's Mother's Grandfather {my great-great grandfather}

My Mother's Grandfather {on my mothers side; my great-grandfather; the photo above this one is his dad.}

My Mother's Grandmother {my great-grandmother, on my mom's mothers side}

My mom's grandmother, younger {my great grandmother - my mom's mother's mother}

My Grandmother's Father {my great-great grandfather, my mom's mothers mothers father}

My great-grandmother with her mother {my great-great grandmother, on my mom's mothers side}

I know that not everyone is fortunate to have photos of their ancestors. These are just a few of the many that I have. And while although I cherish these, every time I watch the show "Who Do You Think You Are" I envy the remarkable journey that the celebrities are on as they trace their roots and come into the profound knowledge of who they really are.

Because...

While I have a great knowledge about my mother's mother's side of the family, so much is a mystery to me about my fathers side.

My father's upbringing was grim. The oldest of three boys, and being raised essentially by his grandmother, he played the active role of being the caretaker for his two younger siblings and didn't have as many wonderful childhood memories to recall as my mother did. While I know so much about my mothers side of the family, I know virtually nothing about my father's side. When the NBC show "Who Do You Think You Are" came out, it only made me all the more interested in wanting to find out about my father's ancestors. Where did they migrate from? Where did they settle? Where did they live? Where did the continue to move to? What was their professions? Did any of them come out of Italy, because I swear I have Italian in my blood ; ) However, with my dad having passed away when I was fourteen years old - and with both of his parents, and the grandmother who raised him, also being deceased - compiling my family tree on my father's side will need to be done in a way that certainly won't come easy {yes, I have attempted it} since I can't turn to any of them for answers to my questions. Working with a professional geneologist would be amazing. I hope to one day come into this knowledge and to have the large, missing part of my family tree completed.