When I was pregnant I was told by many people that my life would “never be the same” once the baby came. Every time I heard this statement, it perturbed me - but I bit my lip. After all, despite the fact that I didn’t believe that to be true, I wasn’t actually a mother yet to know for sure just how my life would be altered. Would it be drastically, or minimally? Only time would tell. Still, I didn’t like the blanketed assumption that every woman who bore a child would start a whole new life in which she lived in the shadow of her former self.
While I knew that many sacrifices would need to be made, and that life from that point forward would be all about putting my child’s needs ahead of my own, I didn’t agree that my life would need to be altered so much so that I would have to put my love for travel behind me or not pursue my passions in life - or that I would never ever again be able to sleep in past 7 a.m. Perhaps I was being naïve to think that my life wouldn’t require too much of an adjustment….but I just had a feeling it wouldn’t.
When my daughter was born, she became everything to me. And even before she was born, I loved her more than anything. I was totally and completely enthralled by her and I instantly became devoted to giving her my all. While I was aware of all that would go into caring for her, I wasn’t overwhelmed with the new responsibilities that I would undertake, but instead I delighted in knowing that I would nurture and protect her and that being a mother would add to who I am – not replace who I am.
I was forewarned by so many people that a baby can actually bring a great amount of tension into a marriage. You find yourself fighting about whose turn it is to get up with the baby, there’s less alone time for your partner and you to connect, date nights are few and far between, the baby gets all the attention, and if you are a stay-at-home-mom you barely find time to eat during the day - let alone have a moment to yourself, which leads to you being a frustrated mother at the end of the day who can’t wait to pass off your baby to your husband when he gets home, etc. These scenarios weren’t relayed as “possible things that might happen” – instead they were told to me as things that were “inevitably going to happen”. In essence, get ready for the life shift ‘cause things are a changin’. I just didn’t buy that in its entirety. I mean…surely, not every day would be blissful, right? I would need to have a higher patience tolerance level because there would be a lot to juggle. I could see that. There had to be days of feeling aggravated, exhausted, and overwhelmed, no?
Well let me share how the past six months have gone for me {let’ see if the above assumptions are true}.
- Not one time have my husband and I fought over whose going to get up with the baby. I won’t withhold the fact that we had a great amount of help from my mom {who stayed with us during the first few weeks of having Ilah home}. She often got up with the baby in the middle of the night, allowing us sleep in. Obviously that was nice. But after those first couple of weeks, we were on our own. And yes, we were sleep deprived. But that was part of it. We embraced it for it meant that we had a precious baby that God blessed us with.
- Ilah has always had a wonderful sleeping pattern and she has always been great with napping. She started sleeping through the night at 2 months old and not long after, began sleeping 12 hours straight every night, which she still does. This gives my husband and I lots of alone time together in the evenings {and on the weekends}, and even a bit of morning time together too.
- Because my mom lives so close {about 15 minutes from us}, we are still able to have date nights {even spontaneous ones} . My mom ALWAYS wants her grandchild! I know many people don’t have relatives close by who can watch their baby, so I know that we are fortunate in this sense.
- While we definitely dote over our beautiful baby girl, she doesn’t get all of the attention. My husband and I still have great conversations, are playful with one another, and are in tune with each other’s needs.
- Indeed my days start early, and a lot goes into taking care of both Ilah and our household simultaneously but I still have pockets of time to myself. It’s true though that some days you won’t be able to get around to eating when you are hungry, but there’s no greater feeling for me than meeting my daughters needs – whatever they may be. Her needs first, mine second.
- At the end of the day, no matter how exhausting of a day that particular one was, I have never wanted to pass off my baby to my husband when he has walked through the door {sent him to get take out that night, maybe!}. I have however thought about when was a good time in the evening to get in a relaxing bubble bath! And usually every time I am in that bubble bath, my husband will bring the baby in to see mommy and I quickly pull the plug to let the water out so that I can get out and be with my family.
Ilah has been such an easy baby…in every way. Will she remain that way? Only time will tell. For now, she is low maintenance and goes with the flow. I can take her anywhere, for any amount of time, and she doesn’t fuss or cry. She just kicks back in her stroller, taking in her surroundings and falls asleep when she’s tired. She’s been on looong car rides, she’s flown on airplanes….if you didn’t see her, you wouldn’t even know she was there. She adapts to new environments so wonderfully.
I’m sharing all of the above because I want new {and expecting} mom’s to know that raising a baby/child is an individual experience. While there are so many people trying to set up new moms for their “new reality’s”, I wanted to shed light on the opposite spectrum by voicing that you can have a baby who wonderfully enhances your life in ways that don’t call for you surrendering all that you are. I can attest that babies can be adaptable – that you’re life may not change too much – that your love life with your spouse doesn’t need to take a back seat – that life won’t just all be about diapers, bottles, playtime and endless hours of trying to soothe your crying infant. You may have a child who hardly cries. Look forward, with optimism, to what your new reality is going to be. Is every day going to be a piece of cake? No. Just as every day before having a baby wasn't. There may be days that you will want to put yourself in “time out” ; )
Life with two {or more} little ones will undoubtedly change things. But for now, it's just us two, with our one, loving every minute of it.
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