All week I have been miserable...vomiting every day. Today has been the worst of all. I just can't believe that I am 6 months pregnant {today} and STILL dealing with "morning sickness". It's so draining...both emotionally and physically. I am so exhausted by the changes that pregnancy has put my body through.
But with that said...
I have come across so many disheartening stories in which women have lost their babies through a miscarriage {some women, well into their third trimester, have gone in to get a standard ultrasound at their next appointment only to be told by the Doctor that a heartbeat is no longer detected}, others have lost their baby to a birth defect, the ending of life support, delivered a still born baby, or battled a serious illness while being pregnant and in some severe cases the mother has passed away after delivering her precious newborn. My heart breaks when I come across sad endings such as these.
Just this week, one of the above scenarios happened to one of my readers, who is a fellow Christian. We had begun to get acquainted with one another outside of our blogs and began exchanging emails. When I heard of her devastating news this week I reached out to her, and while composing the email I discovered how I should be perceiving my own pregnancy.
My pregnancy has been what I consider unbearably rough - hospitalization, 20 pound weight loss, on a variety of medications, car sickness, still dealing with terrible nausea and vomiting along with all the other side effects that comes with pregnancy {which are too long to list}. I pray my way through the natural concern's that I think many first time mom's {or perhaps mom's in general} have - you just want your little baby to be healthy and whole and you try not to think about any of the thousands of things that could go wrong. While some women have a happy glow through all stages of their pregnancy and claim to love everything about being pregnant, I am just not one of those women. I really wish I was...and I thought I would be...but I'm not. There are few people who understand when I tell them that I have had to go through spiritual warfare, especially in my earlier months, because of what I was going through emotionally. The severe sickness was just too overwhelming. I couldn't believe how hard it was hitting me. As much as I wanted children and always saw them as a part of my life and my future, I have told both my husband and my mother that if I had known ahead of time all that I would go through with this pregnancy that the decison to get pregnant is one that I would need time to seriously consider {yes, it's been THAT rough} - perhaps that's just the thinking mentality when you're body has gone into a whole new unfamiliar, unpleasant realm. But even through my tiresome state, I know how incredibly blessed I am to have conceived when so many women cannot, and while even though I have not enjoyed one single thing about being pregnant {which is disappointing}, in all actuality things could be so much worse. So I make a conscious decision daily to have an attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness, and feel honored that God has purposed for me to be a mother. I feel blessed that despite how I feel, I am bonding with our little girl who is growing inside of me. I talk to her, sing to her, pray scriptures over her, am excited to shop for her, and I love her immensely even though she hasn't come into the world yet. Being a mother is going to be an incredibly fulfilling responsibility that will bring great joy and an overwhelming amount of happiness that will be worth everything that I will have endured for 9 months.
But with that said...
I have come across so many disheartening stories in which women have lost their babies through a miscarriage {some women, well into their third trimester, have gone in to get a standard ultrasound at their next appointment only to be told by the Doctor that a heartbeat is no longer detected}, others have lost their baby to a birth defect, the ending of life support, delivered a still born baby, or battled a serious illness while being pregnant and in some severe cases the mother has passed away after delivering her precious newborn. My heart breaks when I come across sad endings such as these.
Just this week, one of the above scenarios happened to one of my readers, who is a fellow Christian. We had begun to get acquainted with one another outside of our blogs and began exchanging emails. When I heard of her devastating news this week I reached out to her, and while composing the email I discovered how I should be perceiving my own pregnancy.
My pregnancy has been what I consider unbearably rough - hospitalization, 20 pound weight loss, on a variety of medications, car sickness, still dealing with terrible nausea and vomiting along with all the other side effects that comes with pregnancy {which are too long to list}. I pray my way through the natural concern's that I think many first time mom's {or perhaps mom's in general} have - you just want your little baby to be healthy and whole and you try not to think about any of the thousands of things that could go wrong. While some women have a happy glow through all stages of their pregnancy and claim to love everything about being pregnant, I am just not one of those women. I really wish I was...and I thought I would be...but I'm not. There are few people who understand when I tell them that I have had to go through spiritual warfare, especially in my earlier months, because of what I was going through emotionally. The severe sickness was just too overwhelming. I couldn't believe how hard it was hitting me. As much as I wanted children and always saw them as a part of my life and my future, I have told both my husband and my mother that if I had known ahead of time all that I would go through with this pregnancy that the decison to get pregnant is one that I would need time to seriously consider {yes, it's been THAT rough} - perhaps that's just the thinking mentality when you're body has gone into a whole new unfamiliar, unpleasant realm. But even through my tiresome state, I know how incredibly blessed I am to have conceived when so many women cannot, and while even though I have not enjoyed one single thing about being pregnant {which is disappointing}, in all actuality things could be so much worse. So I make a conscious decision daily to have an attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness, and feel honored that God has purposed for me to be a mother. I feel blessed that despite how I feel, I am bonding with our little girl who is growing inside of me. I talk to her, sing to her, pray scriptures over her, am excited to shop for her, and I love her immensely even though she hasn't come into the world yet. Being a mother is going to be an incredibly fulfilling responsibility that will bring great joy and an overwhelming amount of happiness that will be worth everything that I will have endured for 9 months.
photo credit: Liana Lehman
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