I last left off asking the question, “Do we be transparent with just anyone about our past pain and our current struggles?” –or should the inner most parts of us be reserved for “certain people”?
For me personally, before I can show my “insides” to anyone, there either has to be a history of a long, enduring friendship – or I have to feel a discernment from the Holy Spirit releasing me to drop my guard {as I may have been purposed to share something with someone at that very moment in time}. I have always been very reluctant to grant people access to the intimate parts of what makes me…me. I have seen and heard too much to not know that not all good things come from exposing the things that are close to your heart. I think this is what has conditioned so many of us to stay so guarded, non trusting, believing that vulnerability isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
Each of us has a story to tell. Our life is a book made up of many happy, sad, painful, exhilarating, turbulent, joyful stories. Some chapters we were all too happy to close – some we wish we could relive. And while sharing our stories can bond us together, some people are all too eager for you to open up your private book of stories and share what’s inside. I have met some people who have wanted to get to know me rather quickly – and it made me skeptical. They wanted to get on the “fast track of friendship” rather then allowing our friendship, if it was meant to be, to take on a natural, unforced progression. Anything other than the latter makes me put on an internal double bolt, making me very conscious to think before I speak. When people poke and prod and ask inquisitive questions, big red “X” marks flash through my mind. You just know when someone is trying to dissect you for non-genuine purposes. In James 5:16 it says, “Confess one another therefore your faults and pray for one another” but when someone is trying to force you to be authentic, rather than it happening naturally, their intention often isn’t a good one and that prayer for you certainly won’t follow – gossip about the things that you disclosed, however, surely will.
I won’t be vulnerable and transparent before just anyone – nor do I think that anyone should be. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that people have to earn the right to know the real you, but I think that there are certain qualifiers that must be must in order to let someone into the crevasses of your heart.
I’ve almost finished a book called “Friendship for Grown-Up’s” in which the forward has the following line in it: “Letting go of denial and choosing to live life fully, open, and vulnerable, is one of the most challenging things a person can do”. How true. Letting someone see ALL of who you are is a big risk – but the greatest of friendships have been formed as a result of putting such vulnerability on display.
Just as I am caring, giving, loyal, honest, genuine, and trust worthy {I’ll stop tooting my own horn right here} I can also at times be gossipy, overly opinionated, impatient, critical of others, and not apologize as quick as I should. When you have people in your life who love you as you are, for the greatest parts of who you are, and also accept the parts of you that need improving, these people become safe havens for you. As outlined in Friendship for Grown-Up’s, people are hungry for safe havens. Places where they can be themselves – without judgment, fear of exposure, or betrayal. People hunger for spaces of grace, understanding, and acceptance. That is when you connect at a heart level with a friend. And overtime, that is how they become safe friends. And who doesn’t love meaningful contact?
For me personally, before I can show my “insides” to anyone, there either has to be a history of a long, enduring friendship – or I have to feel a discernment from the Holy Spirit releasing me to drop my guard {as I may have been purposed to share something with someone at that very moment in time}. I have always been very reluctant to grant people access to the intimate parts of what makes me…me. I have seen and heard too much to not know that not all good things come from exposing the things that are close to your heart. I think this is what has conditioned so many of us to stay so guarded, non trusting, believing that vulnerability isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
Each of us has a story to tell. Our life is a book made up of many happy, sad, painful, exhilarating, turbulent, joyful stories. Some chapters we were all too happy to close – some we wish we could relive. And while sharing our stories can bond us together, some people are all too eager for you to open up your private book of stories and share what’s inside. I have met some people who have wanted to get to know me rather quickly – and it made me skeptical. They wanted to get on the “fast track of friendship” rather then allowing our friendship, if it was meant to be, to take on a natural, unforced progression. Anything other than the latter makes me put on an internal double bolt, making me very conscious to think before I speak. When people poke and prod and ask inquisitive questions, big red “X” marks flash through my mind. You just know when someone is trying to dissect you for non-genuine purposes. In James 5:16 it says, “Confess one another therefore your faults and pray for one another” but when someone is trying to force you to be authentic, rather than it happening naturally, their intention often isn’t a good one and that prayer for you certainly won’t follow – gossip about the things that you disclosed, however, surely will.
I won’t be vulnerable and transparent before just anyone – nor do I think that anyone should be. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that people have to earn the right to know the real you, but I think that there are certain qualifiers that must be must in order to let someone into the crevasses of your heart.
I’ve almost finished a book called “Friendship for Grown-Up’s” in which the forward has the following line in it: “Letting go of denial and choosing to live life fully, open, and vulnerable, is one of the most challenging things a person can do”. How true. Letting someone see ALL of who you are is a big risk – but the greatest of friendships have been formed as a result of putting such vulnerability on display.
Just as I am caring, giving, loyal, honest, genuine, and trust worthy {I’ll stop tooting my own horn right here} I can also at times be gossipy, overly opinionated, impatient, critical of others, and not apologize as quick as I should. When you have people in your life who love you as you are, for the greatest parts of who you are, and also accept the parts of you that need improving, these people become safe havens for you. As outlined in Friendship for Grown-Up’s, people are hungry for safe havens. Places where they can be themselves – without judgment, fear of exposure, or betrayal. People hunger for spaces of grace, understanding, and acceptance. That is when you connect at a heart level with a friend. And overtime, that is how they become safe friends. And who doesn’t love meaningful contact?
… Part 3 to follow …
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